NOW that both my kids are going to primary school, I've set a goal in 2015 of watching a movie a week on my day off work. I have quite a backlog of films I've put on hold for the past seven years, so I'm excited to start checking them out at my leisure.
First up is a film I *DIDN'T* see on a Monday, it was actually on Tuesday, February 3.
But I changed my rostered day off to Monday after this, so I'm decided to call the column Movie Monday Review (besides I couldn't think of an alliterative title using Tuesday). But I digress...onto the review.
DESPITE my deep love for Johnny Cash there are quite a few gaps in my knowledge of his career. Sure, I knew plenty about his kick-ass rock'n'roll start in the 1950s...his tortured, drug-fuelled, prison concert-holding Man In Black days in the 60s...and, of course, his revitalised final years in the 90s and early 2000s courtesy of The Highwaymen and producer Rick Rubin.
But I know very little of his unspectacular run in the 70s and 80s, when his record label, Nashville and country music fans all turned their backs on him. (Johnny described himself as "invisible" during this period.)
So I was surprised when I stumbled across The Baron And The Kid, a 1984 telemovie I'd never heard of till the day I walked into a supermarket in Peterborough and saw it in a pile of cheap DVDs. Well, I was willing to take a gamble for $5, so I grabbed it.
And what a curious oddity it is - and not very good either. It's based on his 1981 hit song The Baron (which sounds like a cheap rip-off of Kenny Rogers' The Gambler).
Johnny stars as The Baron, a legendary pool player who found God, reformed his wild ways and now performs pool tricks at charity events. This isn't lean, speed-wizened Cash or frail-yet-stoic later Cash - this is mid-80s comfortably pudgy Cash. He might have been professionally frustrated, but he was clearly enjoying three square meals a day (and plenty of between-meal snacks). And he has a rather florid taste in suits and ruffled shirts.
Johnny is no great shakes at acting, but he cleverly surrounds himself with a helluva supporting cast including Darren McGavin as crooked manager Jack Beamer, Richard Roundtree as a gun-toting pool player named Frosty and veteran character actor Claude Akins.
The film begins at a charity exhibition where The Baron is challenged by a young hustler called The Cajun Kid (Greg Webb). The Baron accepts the $250 bet and whips him handily. The Kid demands one more match, betting his mother's wedding ring on the outcome, The Baron looks at the ring, turns white and leaves without another word.
Later that day he tracks down his ex-wife Dee Dee (Johnny's real wife June Carter Cash), who he hasn't seen since they split up nearly 20 years earlier, and tells her what happened. She reveals she gave the ring to her son Billy Joe - aka "The Kid" - a son The Baron didn't know he had.
We also learn that The Baron used to be an abusive, alcoholic, pill-popping bastard, which is why he and Dee Dee parted ways.
"Do you know you broke this eardrum with that last slap you gave me? It left me with a continual ringing in this ear for two years to remind me of all the benders, wrecked cars and the calls from the deputies!"
Charming. So our "hero" is a wife-beater. Clearly, it was a helluva lot easier 30 years ago to make a dude like this a movie good guy.
With a new goal in life, The Baron sets out to reestablish a relationship with his son, which is a rocky path at first considering The Kid thought his dad was dead. But once he gets over the shock and anger stuff, The Kid starts to warm to his father. The Baron even takes him under his wing to teach him how to become a professional pool player, and not just a punk hustler.
The funny thing is that The Kid doesn't win a single game in this movie. Seriously. Not one. He must show a lot of "potential", but he never shows it to the viewers. He pretty much sucks at pool.
Yet The Kid's clearly doing okay for himself with his manager Beamer, who throughout the movie is setting him up for private mixed doubles matches - partnered with hard-nosed chick hustler Mary Beth (Tracy Pollan) - with $25,000 and $100,000 side bets. Sounds like a better career than getting whupped in pro tourneys.
Beamer and The Baron have a heated argument when he brings up The Baron's seamy past, including the time he deliberately drugged an opponent to win a big match.
Despite this unpleasant revelation, The Kid parts ways with Beamer and sides with The Baron, who finds his competitive spirit rekindled, so the duo start entering events together. The Baron also begins cosying back up with Dee Dee, who's (conveniently) a widow and itching to let someone plant their cue stick in her corner pocket.
The Baron and The Kid enter a huge nine ball championship in Atlanta with the extra incentive that if they win the event, they can use the prize money to buy a billiard hall in their home town and go into business together. They need to win, too, otherwise someone else will buy the hall, injecting a sense of urgency into proceedings.
But when The Baron makes the final, he cracks under the pressure and goes on a bender. When The Kid finds him in a seedy bar, they argue and the nasty drunk king-hits his son and flees.
Like I said, this is our "hero" of the story.
The Baron passes out and wakes up the next day having had another change of heart. He goes into the final against some dude who drinks Bloody Marys in between shots (Is that professional? It doesn't seem that way to me.). Anyhow, a vengeful Beamer turns up, slips a Mickey Finn into the dude's Bloody Mary and The Baron wins the final easily.
Beamer tips off a few people that The Baron drugged his opponent and they try to break his thumbs. The Kid saves his dad, but then deserts him when he thinks The Baron has returned to his dirty, cheating ways.
He rejoins Beamer and Mary Beth on the open road, but while Beamer is busy at a gas station, she reveals the truth that it was Beamer who spiked the Bloody Mary.
They rush back to Atlanta in time for father and son to make up, The Baron refuses to accept his tainted win (giving up the big cash prize and any chance of owning a billiard hall), then sorta/kinda proposes to Dee Dee.
The movie ends with The Baron and The Kid lining up some balls to play another game. As per the words of the song, now swelling in the background, The Baron passes his special cue to his son.
Hmmm, I don't know what to make of this movie. It's not terrible, but it's certainly not great. Cash is merely adequate as an actor, but there's no denying he's a helluva pool player (no trick photography or stunt doubles here). The dude can play.
And his chemistry with June Carter Cash is off the charts, even though she's no great shakes as an actress either. But the pair really bounce well off each other in their scenes.
The Baron And The Kid can be found on
YouTube. If you like Johnny Cash and pool, it's worth checking out (especially as it's free).
Keep an eye out for one unintentionally hilarious scene where The Kid, Beamer and Mary Beth get cornered by Frosty and his goons, but are rescued by The Baron who's dressed up like a cut-rate Che Guevara (fake moustache and all), pretending to be an undercover cop. It's a very goofy scene.
FINAL COMMENTS: Not so much The Color Of Money as the colour of Cash. (5/10)
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