I'VE heard much about this TV special that the Beatles put together themselves soon after manager Brian Epstein's death. I'd read that it wasn't very good, self-indulgent and lacking Epstein's critical eye to pull it into some kinda watchable shape. But all I've seen is a clip from the film of the band singing I Am The Walrus, so I'd never really got a full gauge on its merits, good or bad.
Well, now I've finally seen Magical Mystery Tour and I can wholeheartedly tell you...
It is SHIT.
Imagine the worst home movies your dad ever filmed, add a healthy dose of psychedelic drugs and too-cool-for-school, ego-driven pop star vanity (decades before Kanye West was a sperm in his daddy's ballsack) and you'll get an idea of what this flick is like.
It's not that the film makes no sense - or even that it has no middle or ending - it's just that the whole project is...WORTHLESS.
And the Beatles aren't endearing, likable, reasonably talented actors like they were in A Hard Day's Night, which was heavily scripted, I'm sure. Instead, we get dreary ad-libbing by drug-fucked hairy muppets who can't act and think they're funny (but aren't).
Even the soundtrack can't save this mess.
Of the six Beatles songs,the title track and I Am The Walrus are fantastic. Your Mother Should Know is kinda music hall, but fine. The Fool On The Hill is pretentious twaddle. Flying is an instrumental consisting of forgettable psychedelic noodling, while Blue Jay Way is quite possibly the worst George Harrison sitar-saturated tune ever committed to record.
The "storyline" sees Ringo and his rotund Aunt Jessie get on a bus filled with eccentric passengers, including the other three Beatles.
The film's supposedly a comedy but the bus is run by vaguely sinister people and their adventures - as confusing as they are - get increasingly unpleasant.
In one scene, Aunt Jessie dreams she's in a restaurant where John Lennon plays a waiter who's repeatedly shovelling huge amounts of spaghetti onto her plate. As she throws it onto the ground and weeps uncontrollably, he keeps a shit-eating grin on his face, shovels the muck off the floor and throws it back on the plate. Apparently, this scene was included because it was a dream Lennon had had and when he told Paul McCartney about it, Paul suggested they put it in the film.
I wouldn't be surprised if this gross scene inspired Mr Creosote in Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life in 1983.
Elsewhere, Aunt Jessie falls in love with a nutty passenger called Buster Bloodvessel and they have a long dream sequence where they frolic on a beach. It goes on for way too long and is ultimately pointless.
Much of the film is filled with similarly unrelated, dull scenes. At one point, everyone enjoys a huge pub-style sing-along on the bus, accompanied by an accordion player. This would be okay except it goes on for ages and they're singing shit like Roll Out The Barrel.
The final scene takes place in a strip club and sees The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band accompany noted English stripper Jan Carson on stage while singing Death Cab For Cutie. It's perversely surreal but goes on for ages. Punters watching it on TV would have been wondering why they were being forced to watch a semi-pornographic striptease accompanied by a band doing deliberately bad cabaret.
Afterwards, the Beatles don swanky suits, hop on stage and sing Your Mother Should Know. Roll end credits.
Honestly, if my description has made this special all sound half-interesting, then I apologise. It's actually very boring, confusing and downright awful.
Even if you're a Beatles fan like myself, avoid Magical Mystery Tour and catch the next bus instead.
FINAL COMMENTS: I want a refund on my bus ticket. (2/10 - for two good songs)